Is coddling really what is needed?

I’m just getting caught up on the latest sexist insensitivity happening in the tech world, but as I was reading @nrrrdcore’s postt There is No Emoji for Martyrdom (update: context) I came across this year old story about Adria Richards being fired for publishing pictures of men who made rude and inappropriate comments, I’m struck by this quote that is attributed to her:

There is something about crushing a little kid’s dream that gets me really angry. Women in technology need consistent messaging from birth through retirement they are welcome, competent and valued in the industry.

Am I reading that wrong, or is she saying that she thinks women need to be told they’re competent when they are clearly not competent?

Does anyone go “from birth through retirement” being told they are welcome — regardless of their gender? Especially when they aren’t helping the people they’re working with to accomplish the goal they’re striving for? How do you say “We welcome you, even though it seems like you’re just getting in the way?”

I was mostly with Adria up until this quote in the story. I’m not going to say she should be able to publish people’s pictures on Twitter without any consequences, but she felt threatened, or at least angry, and she reacted. What she did is understandable in that context. From reading this tiny slice of the story, I can only assume that she felt making a statement was more valuable to her than continued employment. And I can respect that. It takes some real self-assurance to decide to tke that sort of stand.

But this quote of hers seems wrong to me. Maybe as I look at the story, I’ll see get some context that is missing right now — something that would frame the statement better. But the statement by itself seems insidious — that we should tell women they are valued in the field simply for being women?

Now, I’m very aware that there is a real gender imbalance in the tech community — especially in the free software world where I make my home. And I’m keen to make sure my three daughters will be able to succeed in whatever they decide to do — I’ll be especially interested in they really take an interest in my chosen profession.

But the reality is that the world crushes people’s dreams all the time. Anyone who goes from birth to retirement and gets the consistent message that they are welcome and competent is being fooled. I don’t want that for any of my children. If they need to be told to improve or that they just aren’t doing what is needed, then that’s fine. I’ve been told that more than once and I’ve managed to survive and I certainly want my children to be tough enough to survive and thrive as well.