From LJ NOLA community: You’re From New Orleans if… Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside. No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food. You get up in the morning and start a pot of rice to cooking before you give any thought to what you’ll fix for dinner. Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner. You think the breeze from a flying roach feels good on a hot summer night. Your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick Jr’s. You can sing these jingles by heart: “Rosenberg’s, Rosenberg’s, 1825 Tulane” & “At the beach, at the beach, the Ponchartrain Beach….” You were a high school graduate before you realized that Catholic and Public were not two major religions. Your baby’s first words are “long beads.” You ask, “How they running?” and “Are dey fat?”, but you’re inquiring about seafood quality and not the Crescent City Classic. When a hurricane is imminent, you have a lot more faith in Nash Roberts than Super Doppler 6000. Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don’t care because you’re No. 1 on the party chart. Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever – not politics, hurricanes, red lights, parking tickets, the Saints, Mardi Gras… Your one-martini lunch becomes a five-bloody mary afternoon…and you keep your job. Being in a jam at Tulane and Broad isn’t the same as being stuck in traffic. You’re walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer. When it starts to rain, you cover you beer instead of your head. Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries with your seafood platter. You have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip. You have sno-ball stains on your shoes. You call tomato sauce “red gravy.” Your middle name is your mother’s maiden name or your father’s mother’s maiden name or your mother’s mother’s maiden name or your grandmother’s mother’s maiden name or your grandfather’s mother’s maiden name. You know you recycled too much newspaper when there isn’t enough for the dinner (or crawfish) table. You are going through customs and the agent asks you where you’re from and you answer, “Gentilly.” On certain spring days, crawfish monica is your breakfast. You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them. Your house payment is less than your utility bill. You’ve done your laundry in a bar. You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws. You look forward to being smashed by a hurricane. You don’t show your “pretties” during Mardi Gras. Catching “crabs” makes you smile. You write “crookedpolitician” as all one word. You know it’s “ask” but you purposely say “ax”. You understand it when someone describes their favorite color as K&B purple. You know how to mispronounce street names correctly. (Melpomene, Terpsichore, Chartes, Clio etc…) You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease. You can “boo” the mayor on national television. Beignets are the major cause of your gallstones. You wear sweaters in October because it ought to be cold. Someone asks you “Where you at?” and you tell them how you are. You are left behind at an out-of-town bar searching for a “go cup” . You think of potholes as naturally occurring speed bump. You suck the heads, sing the blues and you actually know where you got them shoes. You shake out your shoes before putting them on. You don’t go buy groceries, you make groceries. You know that “super doppler” does not refer to a generously endowed woman’s chest. You know why you should never, ever swim by the Lake Pontchartrain steps (for more than one reason). You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a “New Orleans-based” movie or TV show. You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm. You waste more time navigating back streets than you would if you just sat in traffic. You still call the Fairmont Hotel the Roosevelt. You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting your parking space on a public street. You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans. You ignore cockroaches because you know the only ones you could kill are the weak or infirmed, and it would only serve to strengthen the breed. You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you’ve eaten.

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