Entries in Life

Yesterday, I wrote about parenting in a way that caused offense to a number of my friends — including my wife. For this, I ask your forgiveness. Partly, I wrote to get a reaction — with a title like “Radioactive Content”, this should not be a surprise. I’ve revised it since to be less reactionary, but I spent a lot of time last night and this morning thinking about it. A good part of that time, I spent obsessing about what I should go say to defend myself, trying to come up with something devastating that I could say to make it obvious I was right and everyone else had better toe the line. This is something I struggle with constantly: trying to bend the world to my will, to convince others that I am right, that I deserve to be listened to. Of course, you all know better. I’m a narcissistic blow-hard. So I sat down this morning and read over Do not Resent, Do not React, Keep Inner Stillness by Metropolitan Jonah. In it, His Beatitude reviews everything I’ve learned from a number of Orthodox writers, but it was a review I needed this morning — a reminder not to provoke others, not to “enflame the passions”. It was a reminder to keep from causing resentment as well as holding onto my own resentment. It was a reminder that I am, as we pray before communion, first among sinners. I ask your forgiveness.

It is very difficult to write about a moral position without offending someone. is probably right: I should just keep my mouth shut, or, in the case of this blog, not purposefully post incendiary statements. I’ll try to do that more in the future. For now, though, and I have been having a very heated discussion about what I wrote. While she agrees with my practical reasons for two parents, she disagrees with the way I expressed it. She and others said I came across as “smug”. This leaves me confused. I don’t think I’m better than others. I admit I’ve had a blessed, and, in many ways, privileged life. I don’t think this makes me better than anyone else. I don’t think this makes anyone else less “worthy” than me. But still, that seems to be the sentiment I convey to many people. It could well be that I’ve been so isolated in my experience that I can’t convey to others the practical reasons for two parents, so I’ve challenged to do it without offending people. Her background is completely different than mine. She may have a better chance of writing about this subject without offending others. I still think it is nigh-on impossible to write that children need two parents without offending people, but if she manages to do it, I’ll gladly admit it. (Update: She did it.)